Last month I gave couples some simple ways to keep the magic alive in their marriage. This week I thought I would breakdown for couples the process that causes the magic to erode and how to keep it from happening in the first place.

In my experience, the process starts with some very innocent habits that we begin to notice about our spouse that annoy us. We talk to our spouse about the habits that bother us but after two or three times we stop saying anything to our spouse but we complain to our guy or girlfriends about their bad habits all the time. We don’t offer a solution or come to a different agreement that would appease both parties.

Some people tell me every that couple argues about each other bad habits and they don’t see a problem with that, it becomes a problem when we do it over and over again the whole process becomes automatic. We come home complaining about the issue to our spouse and because our spouse has heard the complaint many times before they respond in the usual way and immediately there is tension between you and the process was completed all on automatic pilot. I call it the Negative Progression Syndrome

I found a solution to our problem

In 2014 I attended a seminar that caused me to see the Negative Progression Syndrome process broken down into phases and when I saw how destructive it was at destroying the love and respect I committed to having for my wife on the day we were married I quickly realized we had to create alarms or signals that would alert us that we were on the Negative Progression Syndrome again. Looking back on my relationship with my wife of 32 years and seeing how many times we experienced NPS was mind-blowing.

Example of how to address a bad habit your husband has of leaving his dirty underwear on the bathroom floor. 

There was a time when I forgot to pick my dirty underwear up off the bathroom floor and put them in the hamper after I took a shower in the morning. That night when I arrived home from work my wife asked me if I could remember to pick up my underwear after I take a shower.  She suggested If I needed a reminder to put a note on the bathroom mirror and you know what it worked. She did not complain about it to me in front of my friends or complain to her girlfriends, she just addressed the issue respectively without a lot of drama. This is a simple example but if you apply the principle to your situation it can really save you a lot of time and stress in your relationship.

Remember Communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship and empowers you to keep the magic alive in your marriage.

What is a complaint that you have about your partner that you have experienced NPS? I would be happy to help guide you to a solution.