Five ways to discipline your children and keep communication flowing.
Discipling your children can be very challenging at times and deciding how to discipline a child can be one of the hardest parts of being a parent. We all want our kids to grow up to be respectful and responsible adults that know how to communicate effectively. So how do we decide which forms of discipline to use that will accomplish our goal?
I remember several times when I was a kid where my mother asked me to do something and I told her I did not want to do it and even asked her why I had to do it, and her response was because I told you to. I also remember her adding if you don’t do your chores you won’t be able to go over your friend’s house tomorrow.
I can also remember when my two sisters and I were teenagers and were just getting introduced to drugs and alcohol how frustrating it must have been for my mom to raise 3 kids as a single mom and deal with all our stuff. Looking back I know my mom did the best she could with what she had and every parent is doing the same. They are only doing what can with what they have been taught to do by their parents.
I have also heard of parents that do not put up with any backtalk at all from their kids and just immediately resort to physical discipline.
Looking back 30 years ago I can remember the day we became foster parents to my 6-year old nephew Lonnie and after putting him to bed that evening my wife and I looked at one another and said: “what have we done we don’t have any experience raising a child”.
One of the keys to our success with our new son is my wife and I created a game plan ahead of time. We set rules and we carefully explained the rules below to our son.
- If you ask Mom for permission to do something and she says no, don’t bother asking me because I trust your mother’s judgment.
- If you make a mistake or break something let us know right away and don’t try to hide it.
- If you are upset about something please come and tell us, what you are upset about so we can help you work through what is upsetting you.
- When he became a teenager we gave him permission that if he drank too much to call us and we would gladly pick him up no matter what time it was.
- When we did had to resort to physical discipline we would wait until all tempers cooled and then we would go to his room and explain to him why we had to discipline him and that was only to help him make a better choice next time.
I know it is different to become a parent with a 6-year old than a baby but by following these rules and sharing them with my son in advance we saved everyone a bunch of time, energy and had a lot of fun being parents.
Five ways to discipline your children and keep communication flowing.
- Remember to not take the child’s actions or attitude as a personal attack on you or your spouse and to stay unemotional when disciplining.
- When your child does break a rule let them know that you love them and to discipline them by denying a future privilege. For example, if your child was supposed to be home by 9 pm and he or she got home late let him or her know that you are glad they are home safe, but because they were late they will be disciplined in the near future.
- When you discipline your child and they complain saying that’s not fair, just respond with I know it doesn’t seem fair but that is how we choose to discipline you for not being home on time.
- Discipline the actions, not the emotions.
- After you discipline your child to affirm your love for your child and encourage them that you are always there for them to talk about the challenges they are facing and no topic is off limits.
For a great list of child discipline type please refer to 5 Different types of child discipline.
I learned how to control my thoughts through the 7 Day Mental Diet and the Master Key Experience.
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Leave me a comment about your experiences with raising your kids, what worked and what didn’t work.
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