L-E-A-R-N Step Four of How to Recapture The Magic In Your Marriage
To help you learn the fourth step to recapture the magic in your marriage we will focus on the letter R
R stands for Remember. Remembering why you fell in love, what attracted you to your partner, and all the special times you spent together with each other, and as a family.
Think back to when you first saw him or her what did you feel? Do you remember when you talked on the phone for hours and when you were together your heart ached to be together again?
I remember the first time I saw my wife Valerie was when I watched a VHS video 37 years ago. We met through a matchmaking service called American Millionaires in San Jose California. I went to a matchmaker because I was unable to find the type of girl I was looking for at nightclubs or bars. I was looking for a woman of virtue, someone who had the same values as me and I found her at American Millionaires. What made them unique was that they had each member create an extensive profile that includes a video of each member sharing what they were looking for in a partner. What made Valerie stand out to me was her smile and her vision of what she was looking for. Although we did not see eye to eye on our hobbies our profiles were virtually identical. We when on a couple of dates and after a couple of months of attending weddings and parties of each other’s friends we decided to pursue marriage around two years later. I remember our wedding day as if it was yesterday and I make it a point to watch our wedding video a couple of times a year so that I never forget why I married Valerie and how much I love her.
On Valentine’s day, I created a montage of all the places we lived and all the special memories we shared together.
Your story is different from mine but there is still that moment when you saw something and pursued it, you fell in love and decided to get married. It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past if you still love one another it is possible to recapture the magic in your marriage. It all starts with each partner taking responsibility for the behavior that caused the separation in your relationship. It only takes one person to start the process. For me, it started when my wife came to me and shared how she felt more like my roommate than my wife. Her words caused me to examine my past, feelings, thoughts, and actions that caused me to emotionally distance myself from her.
As I examined the past years I could see how many times I placed other things like money, my career, debts, and household clutter above love and unity. I became so blind that in 2012 when Valerie was struggling with blood clots, arthritis, and her condition became so bad that I could not touch her without her screaming in pain. Her arthritis became so bad her hands functioned more like claws than hands because she could not bend her fingers. When we were finally able to get her the medical care she needed I was so worried about how much everything was going to cost. I learned that behavior because we lost our business in 2012 after only being open for 2 years and losing a quarter-million dollars we later learned that was the cause of Valerie’s condition.
I remember when the doctor telling us that if Valerie does not have a blood transfusion her organs will start to shut down and she will die. At that point I came to the realization I might lose Valerie that day and that was something I was not going to accept no matter how much it cost. After two blood transfusions, her condition became somewhat stable but the next day the doctor informed us that she could no longer give Valerie the care she needed because they could not get tests back fast enough to determine the cause of the disease and that our only hope was to send her case to two hospitals UCLA in Los Angeles, CA. or Stanford in Palo Alto CA. We chose Palo Alto because we had family that lived close by. The hard part was the waiting because the doctor told us that after we submit the request it could take two hours, to days, or two weeks for them to respond to the request but we were fortunate we received an answer within one hour.
After a week at Stanford hospital receiving around-the-clock care, Valerie’s condition became stable and she was able to return to our local hospital for monitoring and she was finally able to go home on July 5th, 2013. While at home caring for Valerie I was so fortunate that my boss gave me the flexibility to work when I could around Valerie’s needs. Today Valerie is healthy and she only has to see her doctors every three months but I will always remember that moment in the hospital when the reality of those words I vowed ion June 4th, 1988 I will love honor, and cherish Valerie until death till we part. Once Valerie was well enough we were able to fulfill a dream of hers when she was in the ICU which was to return to Disneyland and buy an Alice In Wonderland teapot.
Remember the precious moments and setup reminders all through your home that will inspire you to keep the love alive. It takes time but your marriage is worth it, your kids are worth it and you are worth it.
No matter what you have been through you can still create a loving magical future together by replacing any negative thoughts and feelings with thoughts of those magical moments when love was in the air and both felt the magic alive in your hearts.
I would be happy to meet with you if you would like to schedule a time please connect with me at the following link. Meet with Mike Stewart I look forward to hearing from you.
