Family Health By Design

Are the nationwide protests really a solution to police brutality?

I was really confused yesterday when I was driving to Morro Bay yesterday when the freeway traffic came to a screeching halt for about 15 minutes. I attempted to find out what was causing the problem on my GPS application when I looked down the freeway and I was shocked when I saw people of all ages walking down each side of the freeway carrying signs protesting the tragic death of George Floyd. The crowd was chanting black lives matter.

I was confused at how shutting down highway 101 was a solution to police brutality and this caused me to just shake my head when one of the protestors stepped toward my window and F… You which just confused me even more. If they were chanting for peace what did that lady lash out at me?

On my way home I felt such compassion for all the police officers that do their job with integrity who are being grouped or labeled with office Chauvin as a brutal killer. I waved to each one as I passed by to let them know I support them doing their best to protect the peace.

When I arrived at home I became curious if this was happening all over the country and I was shocked at how out of hand all the protests got with people rioting and others looting the stores and lighting fires in several cities I had to ask myself how is this making a difference to stop police violence in the future. I feel that the protestors could have spent their time more wisely organizing workshops that focused more on solutions than the problem like developing programs or laws that we could get passed to change the future without breaking any laws.

Are we focusing on what happened or the story that is being reported?

The truth is that ALL LIVES MATTER, every human being has value and each one is precious.

What happened?

A police officer lost sight of his sworn duty to serve and protect and in doing so killed George Floyd.

What was reported by the news media is still not quite clear, on one had it was reported that George bought a pack of cigarettes with a counterfeit $20 bill and another report said he wrote a counterfeit check. The real issue is that a human being was murdered after repeatedly telling the officer that he can’t breathe. I can’t imagine how this tragedy has rocked the world of all of George’s family and friends and I pray for them every day.

Some people believe that many activists are using this as an opportunity to spread their own personal agenda by organizing massive groups to protest for their cause. The protestors are carrying signs that talk about justice but their tone is very threatening. These are supposed to be peaceful protests but the protest I witnessed on the freeway yesterday was anything but peaceful and the news stories that are reporting from across the country confirm that.

How do we really make a difference?

I believe the best way we can make a difference is by showing compassion for the victims, their families, and friends, let each person have the opportunity to share their feelings, how they are affected by this problem and if they have a solution to offer. This problem will never be solved by more violence or aggression against the police, it can only be solved by unity and love for one another.

Each person has a moral obligation to stop the spread of violence against all people regardless of color. I believe it is imperative that we do our best to stop the mass protests across the country that do not offer a solution, the only people that are benefiting from the protests are the thieves who use it as an opportunity to loot the nearby stores.

The Apostle Paul provides the answer in this passage from the Bible in Philippians 4:8-9

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

If you are afraid or upset or in fear by what you are seeing on TV across the nation please reach out to someone who can help you process those feeling in a safe place and give you the support you need.

If you need a resource in the Arroyo Grande or Five Cities area on the Central Coast of California please reach out to me.

As always I value your feedback.

Have a great week,

Mike

What Have We Learned From Covid-19?

How did it impact you initially, what was your greatest fear, and how is impacting you now?

Many people responded in fear by stockpiling supplies and raiding the grocery shelves and throwing and throwing a wrench in the supply chain/

Some people came right out and said it was going to be no worse than the previous flu viruses that we experienced in the past.

Many people responded with compassion by helping others that were alone or senior citizens.

But the real question is what did we learn? How are we going to prepare for something like this in the future?

Let’s start by looking at what some people learned from Covid -19.

Before I share what I learned, let’s look at what other people have learned from various sources.

One person shared the following from a discussion when he was asked the question

• That we probably aren’t ready for what’s coming.
• We ravaged grocery stores and stacked 10 years of toilet paper in our homes; all while fast-food chains and coffee shops stay open.
• People are treating this current pandemic as if it is the plague. They’re behaving as if it is the plague, they’re ravaging super-markets like it’s the apocalypse, and they’re showing signs of violence toward each other.

Another person posted on the same forum

• A microscopic organism can create worldwide terror.
• ‘United We Stand, Divided We Fall’- This is the first time in the history of mankind that these lines have proved to be worthless. Staying aloof is the best solution to fight this pandemic.
• Saving Life sometimes is very easy- Just stay at home and you can save the precious life of a human being. You don’t need to fly to be a Superman or Wonder Woman.

I read a good article that had a list practical lessons on called LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE CORONAVIRUS

• Get the facts Uncle Joe does not know as much as the CDC when it comes to the Coronavirus and that is why it is important to get the facts from trusted sources. It is also important to teach our children how to conduct research on the internet from trusted sources. The local news and social media are not always telling you the truth but contain misinformation, politicized content, and scary data and this pandemic is a great opportunity to help your child get the real facts of why things are being done and where the real decisions are being made.
• Good Hygiene  The CDC or WHO should not have to remind us to wash our hands, to wash our thumbs, or to use warm water, and always wash your hands after using the bathroom.
• Realize and focus on the things you can control By focusing on what we can control we can alleviate anxiety for ourselves and our families and explaining why choices are being made for us can have a positive effect instead of creating more fear.
• Remain calm If we remain calm in the midst of a crisis and use common sense we are modeling good practices for our children that can help them when they grow up. Practices like meditation, deep breathing or even dancing to your favorite musician help relieve stress.
• To have compassion for others By understanding that everyone responds to stressful situations or emergencies differently we have an opportunity to show more compassion and empathy. By being of service to people who are unable to shop for themselves or perform simple tasks around the home we can bring them a greater sense of peace just know they are not alone and that someone cares.

What I learned from the Covid-19

• You can’t trust the local TV news A friend posted a video on Facebook that confirmed that my local news was not reporting real news but most of it is scripted by a commons source. The local news networks repeat statements word for word. 
• It is important to focus on helping others I found it more inspiring to focus on how I can be of service to others by volunteering at my local church giving food to families in need and offering to run errands for seniors in my local neighborhood than to focus on the possibility of getting sick or what rights or privileges I was being deprived of during the stay at home order.
• To get updates on the virus and county ordinance from one source I was very pleased to find that a local county supervisor Lynn Compton would share daily posts of how many people had contracted the virus, how many were hospitalized, and what the plans were for reopening the local businesses. I also liked the way she provided links to the Governor’s updates. It really helped me realize that the virus was not going to have the impact on our society that was previously predicted.
• I like to cook and eat at home I started cooking more regularly at home due to the stay at home order and I now actually look forward to cooking with my wife in the kitchen.
• How to be more active on social media and meet people around the world. In the past month, I participated in two different challenges on Facebook that were focused on shifting your business model to be more virtual than physical that challenged me to take action and launch a coaching business. I met people from Spain, Africa, Australia, the UK, and each of my new friends inspired me to share my gifts with the world.

I would love to hear what you learned from the Covid19 pandemic, leave me a comment.

Until next time, Mike

Are we being fooled by fake news?

Have you ever turned on the local news and heard about a story and share it on social media only to find out the news was fake?

Have you ever had a coworker share a story with you that really upset you only to find out the story was not true?

Some people will only listen to the news on television and some will only listen to the news on the radio but what is more troubling is most people never research to see if the story they heard is true, they talk about it with their friends and family as if it is true without verifying the story.

I was that person!

I used to be a victim of fake news daily when I used to travel from job to job repairing phone problems and as I traveled I would listen to the radio in my company truck. I would hear a story the host of the radio show I was listening at the time, sometimes it was a political issue and other times it was a conspiracy story but the problem was I would get so riled up about it I would come home and share the story with my wife without ever verifying the story was true.

I followed this routine for about a year before I learned something very powerful. The news we hear on the radio or watch on TV is only giving you enough facts to support their point of view and they never share the source where they got the story from.

I got upset when I learned the truth

Have you ever saw a story that was posted on your social media feed and shared it because it was information that everyone should know to protect themselves only to find out later when you checked on sites like Snopes.com

5 ways to verify if a news story is true

1. Develop a critical mindset. Ask yourself, the following questions.  “Why has this story been written? Is it to persuade me of a certain viewpoint? Is it selling me a particular product? Or is it trying to get me to click through to another website?”
2. Check the source. Is it from a well know agency or is it a post on someone’s blog? Does the article contain spelling errors?
3. Examine the evidence. A credible news story will include facts, quotes from experts.
4. Read beyond the headline. Read the whole story, many times writers and advertisers will post a fake news story just to route you to their website to sell you their product.
5. Check your biases. Confirmation bias has people to put more stock in information that agrees with their beliefs and discount information that doesn’t. Read from sources from both sides.

Teach your children to follow the same guidelines and you can save them a lot of pain socially. I can remember when I was in school kids would spread rumors about other kids because they did not like them or to make themselves feel better. Always tell you, child, to talk directly to the person in question and ask them point-blank. If you are concerned about the person being mad you can ask the question in the following way. “What I am going to say may upset you but I heard a rumor about you and I wanted to confirm whether it was true or not.”

By teaching our children to communicate openly and with respect you will be equipping them to build solid relationships based on trust and not fake news.

Have a great week

What we teach our kids about money today will have a huge impact on their future.

Did your parents teach you about money? Did they teach you how to balance a checkbook, or how to budget?

I don’t remember my mom spending time teaching me how to save, budget, or manage my money but I do recall my mom saying things like “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

In the past, I have had an up and down relationship with money due to the beliefs I adopted from my mom who was a single mom working full time raising myself and my two sisters. I am very grateful for the sacrifices my mom made to provide a stable home filled with love and acceptance. I firmly believe If I learned about money at a young age I might have made better decisions on how I invested and spent my money.

I was taught from a young age that I would need to work hard to earn money and when I did have it I must be careful or I might lose it. I was also taught that the only way to earn a good wage was to graduate high school, go to college, learn a trade, work for a company for forty years, and then you can retire with a pension.

Some men my age their parents taught them how to save and invest as soon as they were able to understand it and they are financially well off today. Other people, I know their parents established a checking or savings account in their name at the age of thirteen and taught hem how to manage their money.

I don’t blame my mom for not taking the time to teach me about money because she was only teaching me what her parents taught her. It is imperative today we learn how to improve our financial knowledge, our beliefs, and habits of how we view money so we can instill in our kids’ positive beliefs to create a bright financial future as adults.

I am taking a course called The Money Magic Course and it was by doing the exercises in the course I discovered many false beliefs I had about money. It was such a powerful revelation that I could clearly see how those beliefs I picked up as a child affected me the past 5o years. One of the most powerful tools that changed how I viewed money and my relationship was a book called Overcoming Unearning by Barbara Stanny. 

It’s not too late to retrain yourself and reprogram your beliefs about money and create a prosperous future for yourself and your children.

If you want to set your children up for financial success teach them about money as early as possible. I heard about a man last week whose grandmother taught him about buying stocks at 7 years old. His grandmother took him to McDonald’s to get a snack. It was there she taught him what each job in the restaurant entailed worked starting with the workers, the manager, and the owner. She then told her grandson that she would give him a dollar if he would approach the manager and ask him if McDonald’s was a publically traded company. Her grandson approached the manager and asked “excuse me sir is McDonald’s a publicly-traded company?. The manager replied “Yes McDonald’s is a publicly-traded company. He soon left the restaurant with his grandmother and then went home and she bought him some shares of McDonald’s stock.

As a man now he started teaching his sons about investing and how to pick good stocks during this crisis and one of his boys replied toilet paper would be a good stock to buy and he asked his son why do think that is a good buy? His son replied because all the toilet paper is disappearing from the grocery store shelves.

It is never too young to teach our children about saving and spending their money wisely. If your child struggles with completing his chores you may want to offer to pay him a quarter for each chore he completes each week and when it comes time to spend his money show him how to comparison shop to allow him t get the best value for his money.

Another opportunity to teach your child is to take them grocery shopping with you, give them a calculator, have them track how much your bill will be when its time to check out and have them count the change the clerk gives you.

Be as creative as you like because the more they know about money now will help them to respect and manage it wisely when they are adults.

Five ways to change how you relate to money and earn it 

1. The first way to gain control of your money is to create a budget for your household and track your income and expenses. You can find some free budgeting tools at DaveRamse.com How to make a monthly budget.
2. Stop or avoid borrowing money using credit cards or financing appliances or furniture purchases. It is better to save money and pay cash.
3. If you find yourself consistently overspending if you mostly use your debit card you can use an envelope system and pay cash. You can learn about using an envelope system by going here
4. Meet with your spouse and your kids and set some financial goals individually and as a family. 4 ways to reach your financial goals
5. Make time to envision your financial goals as if you already achieved them. Learn how envisioning your goals can help you achieve them faster.

I would love to get your feedback if you applied any of these tips if you would share your results with us.

Could you use a miracle right now during this pandemic?

If you’re tired of all the negative news and the possibility that you and your family may be asked to stay at home for another month I may have a solution for you.

I know that many of you are frustrated by the circumstances that we are facing right now with many people out of work and parents having to learn how to homeschool their children along with working from home.

Others have been forced to close their business and are deeply concerned with not having an income or possibly having to start from square one and create a new career.

I know how you feel, my business income has been impacted by the Covid-19 virus but I am fortunate that I am still able to work during the Stay at Home ordinance and so I wanted to share a tool with you that has really helped me make each day a miracle day.

In 2015 I stumbled upon a man named Hal Elrod who wrote a book called the Miracle Morning. In the book, Hal Elrod gives practical ways to develop a morning routine that inspires you to get out of bed each morning.

By having a morning routine you will be empowered throughout the day and the routine can take as little as 6 minutes. You can get the book on Amazon Here

After applying what Hal teaches to my morning routine It transformed changed hw I showed up all day long.

I thought I was doing well just by taking time to each morning to read my bible and pray but when I learned and applied the methods in the Miracle Morning my entire outlook for the day changed.

One of the most powerful exercises that impacted me was to read a statement in the book each night before I went to bed that went something like this “No matter what time I am going to sleep or what time I wake up the amount of sleep will not affect my outlook tomorrow. I will have all the energy I need to have a successful day”.

I’m paraphrasing the statement I read from memory but by inserting the belief into my subconscious that no matter how much sleep I get or how I feel I can live today with intention.

Before reading that statement each evening I would wake up the next morning with a sinus headache and that would set the tone for my day, and that would be the story I would tell people when they asked me how I was doing that day, I would reply “I’m ok now but this morning I woke up with a headache.”

The more I applied what I learned from the Miracle Morning I was no longer a victim of my circumstances. I stopped telling myself “if I didn’t sleep well or didn’t wake up feeling the greatest it was going to be a bad day. I learned how to create my day and be open to all the opportunities available to me.

If you are looking for a miracle to change the way you are handling this crisis this book may be the answer for you. Or maybe you’ve been looking for a reason t get up before anyone else in your household and have a powerful time of reflection and learn how to be more productive each day.

Whatever your reason you have you owe it to yourself to check out the book or his 30-day challenge to start creating your Miracle Morning right now. You can get more information including free resources at MiracleMorning.com/start-here/ I to guarantee you will not be disappointed.

If you found this resource to be valuable to you please leave me a comment or send me an email about your experience.

Have you been wondering how you can help your community during this crisis caused by the Coronavirus?

This past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Starting Tuesday of last week both my wife and I came down with colds and we became quite fearful that our symptoms could get worse but our fears were relieved a couple of days later as our symptoms subsided and it turned out to only be colds.

As I was filled with relief I began to shift my focus to those who have been diagnosed with the virus and those who are more susceptible to the virus such as the elderly, those in poor health and those living in fear of contracting the virus. I immediately began to pray for each one of them and sent them thoughts of health and healing.

Later in the week, I began to read about many of my neighbors who are elderly were instructed to stay at home but they still had need of groceries and errands to run but due to the announcements made by the governor and for safety sake they were homebound. This news lead me to begin to think of practical ways I could help my neighbors and I decided to help by volunteering my time at the local Food Bank and also joined Facebook groups that help organize other people who have the same needs.

Together we can build a strong community of support for one another.

Another way to help is to shift their focus from disease to health and the health of those around them. Not just physical health but mental health and one way you can do this is to shift a person’s mindset to focus on happy things instead of sad.

This reminded me of the Disney movie Pollyanna. Pollyanna is an orphaned girl who is sent to live with her Aunt Polly in a small town of Harrington and the aunt is the richest person in town and because she is the richest in town she owns most of the businesses in the town and Aunt Polly even decided the topics of the sermons the local minister preaches on Sunday morning.

But the most powerful thing about the film is that Pollyanna is able to transform the town by teaching each person how to play the Glad Game and through the Glad Game she helps them shift their focus to the happy things in life and they let go of all the anger and resentment of the past. By the end of the film, the whole town falls in love with Pollyanna and each person begins to stand up to Aunt Polly in respectful ways and her love even softens Aunt Polly’s heart.

If you want to hear Pollyanna explain how the game is played you can watch it at The Glad Game.

During this crisis, I encourage you to take care of yourself mentally and physically and if possible help those struggling in fear and worry by teaching them Glad Game and help them when the need arises.

Children who spend quality time with their parents are less likely to have behavior issues within the family and at school.

Parents today juggle a hundred different roles like cook, maid, and housekeeper to name a few but some parents become so consumed with these roles so much they don’t make time to spend quality time with their children. Maybe Tomorrow: Most Parents Confess They’re Too Busy For Quality Time With Their Kids

We forego spending time as a family due to our schedules being filled with television, video games, children’s after school sports activities and social media. We say we are just too busy but these are excuses because we make time for what is important to us.

What is quality time? Quality time is uninterrupted scheduled time with our children having fun playing games and interacting with one another without the distraction of phone calls, text messages or emails.

Think about when you were a child, what do you remember most? Some of my most favorite memories as a kid are when we would go on a family vacation camping up in Cloverdale, California. I remember being able to swim as much as I wanted, go fishing and hiking and sitting around the campfire at night telling stories.

Take a moment and review the past week, the past month, and the past year and write down how much quality time you spend as a family and call a family meeting and ask your kids how you are doing as a family in this area. Their response may surprise you

As parents, my wife and I made it a priority to take several vacations each year. In January we would sit down and plan how we would spend the 4 weeks of vacation time I acquired at my job. Sometimes it would be camping with our church, a week at our timeshare in Lake Tahoe or a car trip to Arizona and those times I had to spend with my son and his friend were priceless.

Recently I had the privilege to spend 4 nights and 5 days at Disneyland with my two granddaughters, my son and his wife’s family and the look on the face of this 3-year-old was absolutely priceless!

Some other benefits of spending quality time as a family are that our children feel loved and cared for which helps them be more mentally and emotionally healthy.

Five Simple Ways to Spend Quality Time as a Family

1. Set aside one night a week to be a game night. Let each member choose an activity each week.
2. Watch a movie as a family on Friday or Saturday night and assign each member a task like someone gets drinks for everyone, someone makes the popcorn and talk about the film afterward.
3. Once a month take a day trip to a place everyone agrees on.
4. Do an art project as a family and display the art round the house.
5. Serve others as a family in your community.

These are just some of the ways you can continuously bond as a family and keep the lines of communication open.

Try some of the suggestions above and leave a comment with some of the ways you’ve spent quality time with your family and the impact it had on you and your children.

I listened to a talk on Youtube this week called the Crash course for phenomenal success by Marisa Peer. In the first part of the talk, she shared how she was taught as a therapist that the mind was very complicated but as she saw more and more people she learned that the mind was very simple but there was a very important piece missing in each of her patient’s lives. No matter what the patient’s lifestyle was like or how successful they were the piece that was missing was they did not believe they were enough.

Two of the stories that she shared with me made a big impact on me. One story was about a man who was a famous movie star who lived in a beautiful home in Beverley Hills, CA who was miserable. When she arrived at his home and he greeted her she commented on how lovely his home was and he replied: “I hate this house”. She also commented on the award he won for a filmed he starred in and he replied: “I hate receiving the  BAFTA award because once you do they expect each following film I am in to receive a BAFTA or I am not good enough”.

After a few moments of speaking with the man, Marisa said to him “I know what your problem is” and replied what is my problem? She went on to tell him that his problem was he did not think he was enough and tears began to roll down his cheek. He went on to tell her how as a child he used to cook his father dinner because his mom worked nights and he would prefer to share the leftovers with the dog than his son and all these years he had been trying to prove to himself and the world that he was enough but became depressed and miserable in the process.

Marisa gave him a prescription that would help cure him of his problem she took a lipstick and wrote on each bathroom mirror the words I AM ENOUGH. She also configured his phone to send a message to him every morning and every evening saying the words I AM ENOUGH. She asked him to say those words to himself several times a day and the results were amazing. Within a couple of weeks his attitude completely changed, he is happy now and living life more fully.

Marisa shares how when we were a baby we were enough, we were celebrated for every accomplishment. When we learned how to go pee in the toilet our parents celebrated, when we learned how to walk, talk and feed ourselves we were celebrated but when we grow up we forget how special we really are.

The second story she shared was even more incredible she talked about a woman who was a very successful trader in British securities who had tried to throw herself in front of a train and was now confined in a psychiatric ward of a hospital for evaluation. When Marisa came to see her she read all the notes that the hospital had on her, met with the woman and asked her “Do know what your problem is” the woman replied, “yes, I have manic depression, I’m bipolar, I’m a compulsive shopper and a hoarder”. Marissa replied, “no, you don’t think you are enough”. She went on to share with the woman how her mom killed herself right in from of the woman she was a little girl and from that moment on she never felt she was enough. Marisa gave her the same prescription as the man in the first story and even sent the woman text messages telling her that she was enough and eventually the woman was cured of her depression, was now happy and it completely changed her life.

You can listen to the talk on Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw3NyUMLh7Y&t=4s

After listening to this talk I decided to do the things that Marisa suggested so that I can be the best me that I can be!

I share all this to encourage you to listen to the talk and take on the challenge of writing on each of your bathroom mirrors I AM ENOUGH and set an alarm on your phone to tell yourself every morning and every evening that you are enough. I have accepted the challenge and added the statement to my mirrors and the reminders on my phone and I will report the results in a later post.

Please leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of the talk and your results if you accepted the challenge.

Merry Christmas!