Family Health By Design

Every September since 2015 I choose to participate in the Master Key MKMMA six-month course.

This course has the most impactful personal development work I have ever done because it gave me the tools to gain control of my thoughts and become a conscious observer of my thought, feelings, and habits.

Another valuable tool I learned through the Master Key Experience course is that my life today is the direct result of all my past experiences and the beauty of knowing that is I now have the power to look back and view those past experiences in detail without shame or embarrassment.

You don’t know what a great blessing that was to me. In 2015 before I found this course I was trapped in a world of the constant shame of losing my health and wellness business and all of our life savings. For three years every day, I was haunted by the loss of $250,000 and viewed myself and my life as a failure.

I was constantly looking for the answers to my problems outside of myself to help me get out of this trap. I went through hundreds of programs read many personal development books and attended many courses all with the hope of fixing my broken life and regaining confidence in myself. The reason I never could help myself at the end of each program one that the instructors told me what to do think but never how to use my mind to help myself or how to become a self-directed thinker.

Through this course, I now have the ability to create the life I want, take full responsibility for where it is my life is today and stop blaming others for my broken life. Master Key Course gave me the tools and taught me how my mind works and the answers I had been searching for were inside myself, that the world within creates the world without.

By teaching your child to be aware you can save them a lot of grief or possibly save their lives.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you ran across the street without looking?

Do you remember doing something that was dangerous and your parent asked you “Why did you do that”?

I remember many at times being stopped for running in a store, not looking where I was going and bumping into an older woman which almost caused her to trip. I was immediately asked by my mother why did you do that, you could have caused that woman to fall and she could have gotten injured.? I gave the standard answer I don’t know.

On another occasion, my mom found out that I had been the peeling wallpaper off the wall in our bedroom. What started as a small 3-inch area turned into a 10-inch area due to me constantly picking at the wall. When she confronted me and asked me why I picked at the wallpaper my response was “I don’t know”, but what I really wanted to say was I had fun doing it but feared I might get a worse punishment If I was honest.

What are some ways we can teach our children to be more aware of the effects of their actions so they can avoid the mistakes we made as kids?

After doing some research on this topic I found some great resources. The first resource I found was an article called The 4 ‘Whats’ of Negative Behavior By Keath Low

The first of the 4 WHATS is simply asking the child to identify the behavior.

1. What Did You Do?
2. What Happened When You Did That? This WHAT deals with the consequences of the child’s behavior. (These two questions identify a behavior and a consequence. Through this process, explains Dr. Manos, you are helping a child to learn to self-monitor — to look at their behavior and see what effect their behavior has on the environment and people around them. Once a child begins to make gains in this understanding and awareness of his or her behaviors, parents can then add the next two WHATS which are related to future behavior.)
3. What Could You Have Done Instead?
4. What Would Have Happened If You’d Have Done That?

“So future behavior, future consequences,” explains Dr. Manos. “The 4 WHATS is a highly potent strategy, since many people aren’t self-aware, aren’t self-observant, and grow up to deflect blame, give excuses, and not be accountable.” The 4 WHATS addresses this and helps a child learn and practice appropriate behavior to replace the inappropriate behavior.

As with all behavior management strategies, it is important to remember not to use the 4 WHATS when you are upset or when your child is upset.

You can read the whole article at https://www.verywellmind.com/teaching-children-with-the-4-whats-20733

By teaching our children to be more aware of their behavior, actions, consequences and how their actions affect other people around them they have the potential of carrying those new ways of being into adulthood.

I had two experiences just this evening.

The first when occurred while at the supermarket, we just purchase our groceries and were leaving the store when a man ran after a woman and grabbed her purse and said mam, mam you took something. It turned out that the lady had stolen something from the supermarket and was caught shoplifting. If the woman who was stealing knew that if enough people stole from the store and were not caught the store may have to raise their prices.

The second experience occurred while entering a parking lot there was a couple walking their dog down the middle of the driveway making it difficult for us pass them on the left or the right and after a few seconds, they slowly moved over to the right so I could pass safely but acted like I was not enough there. These are two examples of people that are not aware of how their actions affect others and if you look closely you will see many examples every day. This couple could have just as easily crossed the driveway and walked down to the store on the right and side out of the way of traffic and not cause a backup of cars in the driveway or they could have just walked on the sidewalk.

Please take these tools and examples to heart and train your children about social awareness, it may very well save them a lot of trouble in the future.

Leave a comment with some of your experiences you had with your children and the methods that had an impact on your family.

Mike

Celebrating the Fourth of July with friends and family is something I always look forward to every year and this year was one of the best.

We have been meeting at a local park for the last five years where we can picnic, play games and watch the evening fireworks show. Previous years we would go to the beach but we didn’t feel safe due to the people around us lighting and throwing their fireworks near us.

Dinosaur Park is a great location for the fourth of July because you get to see many of the houses adjacent to the park all decked out in red white and blue and one house is set up for the police to stop by and enjoy some food.

My day started with fulfilling our list of things to bring, get everything loaded in the truck, cook the corn and be at the park by 3 pm. It only took me about an hour to load the truck because our garage is packed to the gills with so much stuff but that is a topic I will save for another time. We brought tables, chairs, our grill and an array of chairs, corn on the cob and cowboy beans.

We arrived at the park at 3:15 pm surprised to find that we were the first ones there. We unpacked the entire truck and we were all set up before anyone else arrived and I could not believe how organized we were this year. Everyone soon arrived and immediately everyone engaged in the festivities. We had a group of four people who were playing a game, others catching up and meeting new friends.

I was focused on helping cook the food. My role was usually to set up the barbeque and leave the cooking to someone else but I really enjoyed being more involved in cooking this year but my favorite thing that day was playing with my two-year-old granddaughter Anaya.

She is so expressive and is already speaking in sentences. She would say things like “Gippa I get to wear my panda hat and gloves.”  But was most adorable was when she was looking down you couldn’t see her face all you could see was the pandas face. I also loved the way she teased me when I tried to take her picture she would turn and run away and say come over here Gippa pose for the picture but when I would attempt to take the picture she would run away.

We had a total of 11 people attending our little celebration, the fireworks show was really good and Anaya commented on each one. The fireworks show ended by 9:30 and we were home before 10:30 pm.

We ended our Fourth of July celebration with watching the movie Independence Day Resurgence.

Please leave me a comment with one of your favorite Fourth of July memories.

#FamilyHealthByDesign

Did your parents talk to you about political issues with you while growing up?

Did your parents teach you how to vote at the polls on election day?

Parents that share their political beliefs in the right context can help their children make wise choices and become more involved in their community helping others.

I recall a time during an election year when I asked my Mom who she was going to vote for and she replied: “That’s none of your business”.

My mother never shared her political beliefs with me but she did take me with her on election day how and showed me how to vote. I remember her pushing the little pin in the hole next to her candidate on the ballot and getting a sticker afterward but she never shared with us kids who won, why, and she never became angry over the results.

I didn’t think about it much about politics after that conversation and I would certainly avoid asking my mom that question in the future and I  don’t remember my Mom or my uncle sharing their political views at the dinner table or in general conversation.

Politics did not become important to me until I turned 18 years old and I registered to vote. I remember when I filled out the voter registration form and one of the questions asked me to choose my political party. I paused for a moment and checked the Democrat box because my mom was a Democrat. Now I had no understanding of what either party believed and I was not up to speed on the major political issues of that time but I knew that as a newly registered voter I felt it was my responsibility to learn what the candidates of my party believed and to read all the propositions along with the Pros and Cons of each proposition.

I made I sure I did my homework on all the candidates and the issues on the ballot and when it came time for me to vote I can remember standing in the booth and I could hear my mom’s instructions in my mind all over again. After I voted I made sure not to leave without picking up my  “I Voted” sticker because I wanted to let everyone know that I had a say now in how our government would be run but to my surprise, 90% of the candidates never fulfilled on their campaign promises. That statistic intrigued me so much I decided to switch things up the next election and research how each candidate voted on an important social issue like abortion, the economy, the creation of new jobs and welfare in between elections and I was surprised to find that many of the candidates I had voted for in previous elections had beliefs and agendas that were contrary to my own beliefs.

Because, my wife and I never were taught much about politics as children growing up we felt it was important to educate our son about important social issues so we always kept an open-door policy when it came to talking about topics like abortion, slavery, welfare, and discrimination with our son and invited him to ask questions. We even found some funny dramas that we watched together as a family which allowed us to discuss the topics and invited our son to ask questions afterward.

Our goal was to teach our son to look at an issue from all angles and see how it affects everyone involved not just one side or the side we believed to be right. We wanted to train our son to not adopt our beliefs because of what we said but to research the issues himself, base his decision on the facts and bring back any questions he would like to discuss with us.

Our son still uses that method today whether he is investigating the synopsis of the latest movie, a political issue in the news or a car he was considering buying and we are so proud of the man he has become.

By teaching our children to think for themselves, giving them the tools to make wise decisions they will grow up and develop their own voice and not be afraid to discuss sensitive issues with their children.

Six ways to help your child become socially responsible and make wise choices in the future.

1. Discuss political issues with your children respectfully and without criticism.
2. Use your child’s curiosity to facilitate teachable moments.
3. Let your child have a voice and listen.
4. Encourage your child to listen to both sides of an issue.
5. Help your child to focus on what is best for everyone involved.
6. Volunteer with your child in your community to help them learn the value of helping others.

Ideas for volunteering with your child in your community

• Visit a nursing home or retirement community. Spending time with older members of your community benefits both your children and the elderly.
• Participate in PAWSwalk. What could be better than spending a day at the park? Spending a day at the park with lots of dogs – while helping the animals at PAWS!
• Participate in a community clean-up day. Neighborhood organizations often host seasonal clean-up days for parks and other public areas.

You can find many other volunteer opportunities here

Please post a comment with your experience growing up and how it affected you and where you are today.

Five ways to discipline your children and keep communication flowing.

Discipling your children can be very challenging at times and deciding how to discipline a child can be one of the hardest parts of being a parent. We all want our kids to grow up to be respectful and responsible adults that know how to communicate effectively. So how do we decide which forms of discipline to use that will accomplish our goal?

I remember several times when I was a kid where my mother asked me to do something and I told her I did not want to do it and even asked her why I had to do it, and her response was because I told you to. I also remember her adding if you don’t do your chores you won’t be able to go over your friend’s house tomorrow.

I can also remember when my two sisters and I were teenagers and were just getting introduced to drugs and alcohol how frustrating it must have been for my mom to raise 3 kids as a single mom and deal with all our stuff. Looking back I know my mom did the best she could with what she had and every parent is doing the same. They are only doing what can with what they have been taught to do by their parents.

I have also heard of parents that do not put up with any backtalk at all from their kids and just immediately resort to physical discipline.

Looking back 30 years ago I can remember the day we became foster parents to my 6-year old nephew Lonnie and after putting him to bed that evening my wife and I looked at one another and said: “what have we done we don’t have any experience raising a child”.

One of the keys to our success with our new son is my wife and I created a game plan ahead of time. We set rules and we carefully explained the rules below to our son.

1. If you ask Mom for permission to do something and she says no, don’t bother asking me because I trust your mother’s judgment.
2. If you make a mistake or break something let us know right away and don’t try to hide it.
3. If you are upset about something please come and tell us, what you are upset about so we can help you work through what is upsetting you.
4. When he became a teenager we gave him permission that if he drank too much to call us and we would gladly pick him up no matter what time it was.
5. When we did had to resort to physical discipline we would wait until all tempers cooled and then we would go to his room and explain to him why we had to discipline him and that was only to help him make a better choice next time.

I know it is different to become a  parent with a 6-year old than a baby but by following these rules and sharing them with my son in advance we saved everyone a bunch of time, energy and had a lot of fun being parents.

Five ways to discipline your children and keep communication flowing.

1. Remember to not take the child’s actions or attitude as a personal attack on you or your spouse and to stay unemotional when disciplining.
2. When your child does break a rule let them know that you love them and to discipline them by denying a future privilege. For example, if your child was supposed to be home by 9 pm and he or she got home late let him or her know that you are glad they are home safe, but because they were late they will be disciplined in the near future.
3. When you discipline your child and they complain saying that’s not fair,  just respond with I know it doesn’t seem fair but that is how we choose to discipline you for not being home on time.
4. Discipline the actions, not the emotions.
5. After you discipline your child to affirm your love for your child and encourage them that you are always there for them to talk about the challenges they are facing and no topic is off limits.

For a great list of child discipline type please refer to 5 Different types of child discipline.

I learned how to control my thoughts through the 7 Day Mental Diet and the Master Key Experience.

If you would like to learn how to create a business working from home check out my course here at Tapas For Life.

Leave me a comment about your experiences with raising your kids, what worked and what didn’t work.

#Familyhealthbydesign

Weekly Daycations are a great way to take a break from work in the middle of the rush to finish that project or meet some other deadline. A daycation is a vacation that only lasts one day.

Sometimes we just go to a local beach like Avila Beach for the day and play tourist.

I have found these mini vacations with my wife have been a wonderful time of fun, laughter, and memories.

Last year in December we planned a day where we would have lunch at Andersen’s Split Pea restaurant drive to the small town of Solvang and do a Nisse treasure hunt. We had a wonderful time at lunch using a buy one get one free coupon, hunting for the Nisse and ended the evening with dinner at a local supermarket where we had a coupon for a free large coffee, a free sandwich with a $10 purchase and picnicking in our car.

You can find information on the Nisse hunt below.

Nisse Adventure

November 29, 2019-January 5, 2020
Solvang Visitor’s Center

Explore Solvang and see if you can find those mischievous elf-like Danish figures, the Jule Nisse to win a prize. This is a fun free, self-guided activity that families can do at their own pace.

Throughout the entire month of December, these festive little gnomes will be hidden in different locations around Solvang with a map providing clues to each location. Once you find all of the Nisse, return to the Solvang Visitor’s Center for a prize!

Have some fun with the Jule Nisse puzzle, click on the image to access the puzzle.

By scheduling a Daycation each month of the year you will be building new family traditions and get that much-deserved vacation even if it is broken up into 12 little vacations.

In May my wife and I had to drive up to the San Francisco Bay Area to get a certified marriage certificate so my wife could get a real ID and we turned it into an opportunity to visit all the homes we lived in from San Carlos, CA the year we were married 1988 to Palo Alto, CA in 1989. We left home at 11AM on Friday and returned home at 10PM on Saturday. We were only away for 20 hours but it felt like we were gone for a couple of days. Each place we stopped brought back a flood of wonderful memories that we have shared over the years.

For the month of June, we are planning a trip to Carmel, CA and visit the shops and restaurants we frequented while we were dating, like this little cafe.

So be adventurous and plan a day trip with your sweetheart each month of the year.

Would you like to create time for more daycations? Check out my course Create a Business Working from Home

Please leave me a comment of where you plan to visit.